


Duck.. Duck.. MURDER!

by Otakiot



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Murder Mystery, Poisoning, Serial Killer, dumb asses solve another case
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 05:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21404965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otakiot/pseuds/Otakiot
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Duck.. Duck.. MURDER!

“Quack, quack..”

“Shawn!” Gus’s wide eyes flashed over his shoulder at the crowd of policeman, he did not want to be convicted of assisting a murderer just because his friend was bored. He had learned his lesson after Dorian Creech’s death. “Don’t play with the dead guy’s toys! That’s evidence!” His companion merely raised an eyebrow at him before assaulting him with the duck puppet. “Aa-!”

“Damn it, Spencer! Can you act like an adult for once in your life?!” Lassiter tore the duck from his hand and threw it back on its shelf before forcing the duo towards their reason for being in the stranger’s apartment.

In the middle of the cramped living room floor was a lanky man wearing a simple suit and tie. Gus cringed in disgust at the sight of the body and fought off the slight nausea it induced. Shawn on the other hand was all but poking him with a stick as he inspected the body for a moment before dashing off to explore the rest of the apartment. 

The apartment was small but in it’s own way, homely. All furnishing and decorations were carefully picked and placed to create the perfect nature-lover-, hipster-, hippie-combination that they had seemed to strive for. Seeing as there were two separate and individually-eccentric rooms and an odd assortment of bathroom supplies it was not hard to gather that he had a female roommate.

“McNab?” The detective looked up at Carlton before realizing what he was asking for. Buzz fumbled with his papers a moment before finally managing to situate himself.

“23 year old male, Dominic Moore. Died two hours ago, was discovered by roomate Laura Gorcey who reported in the body at 8:53am.” The giant of a man reported. Lassiter thanked him and began to order his fellow detectives and forensic teams about when Shawn returned.

“C’mon son…” Shawn grumbled as he peeled a fast food wrapper with gum stuck to it from his foot. Despite the almost obsessive-like decorating choices, the floor was littered with trash. From used tissues, empty coffee cups, and rotting fruit bowls to old tupperware and fry containers. Even he had to admit it was a little disgusting. “I just got these shoes too.”

“Are you getting anything besides dirty soles, Spencer.” With one last glance about the room, he nodded.

“I senseee~!” Carlton pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t understand why the psychic couldn’t just get to the point without the theatrics. “David-

“Dominic.” Gus corrected.

“-Dominic was single. Recently being dumped after a long term relationship and in many ways his roommate was his comfort. He worked at the Santa Barbara Marital Law Firm along with said roommate and was a vlogger who ranted about his problems in the night. Like the world’s most depressing modern Batman.”

“Are you saying this was a suicide?”

“No! I wasn’t finished-!” His body suddenly went stiff as a board and he grabbed at his throat as his body fell against his friend’s. Gus struggled to hold up the other man’s weight and truthfully didn’t have the patience for his performances today.

“Choking? Choked? He was choked?” Buzz guessed, to which Shawn shook his head.

“Uh- Um… He was- Uh…” Juliet tapped her hand on her intertwined arms as she struggled to think of the right answer. It was at the tip of her tongue. “...OH! He was poisoned!”

“Yes! Beautiful, wonderful Jules, yes! I sense that our Dominic Moore was poisoned.” He jumped to his feet and flashed his girlfriend a thumbs up with one hand as the other made the cloth duck lovingly stoke Gus’ hairline. His friend jerked his head away with an annoyed click of his tongue. Unfortunately, in his case, this only seemed to antagonize Spencer more who was now chasing him with the puppet. “I- Also sense- I will need- This duck!” He gasped as he ran.

“Not happening!” His friends yelled in unison.

000

“Guuus!”

“What, Shawn?” The rep. stopped organizing his cart a moment as he waited.

“Something doesn’t feel right about the case with… Poisoned guy-?”

“Dominic Moore.” He snapped in recognition.

“That’s it. I don’t think the ex-girlfriend did it or roommate. I mean think about it. Besides the whole secret affair and missed child support payments, why would they want or need to kill him? I think they are wasting their time investigating them.” He squinted his eyes in concentration as he readied his shot. With a quick thrust of his wrist he chucked the shoe in his hands across the Psych office and into the trash can. “YES! STRIKE!”

“Not even close to the right sport, Sh- Wait. Those are my shoes!” He quickly grabbed the remaining loafer from his friend’s hands. “Also, _ you _ are the one who told them they should interrogate them.”

Shawn groaned and lolled his head back, “Gus don’t be modern Robert Smith’s-... Well.. Anything, actually. I only said that because I was trying to get everyone to leave so Jules and I could be alone. Plus it’s fun wasting Lassie’s time.” He explained. “Nice! Half a burger!” He was about to bite into the 3 week old and very much stale leftover when Burton snatched that from him as well.

“That’s disgusting. Go get something from the cupboard or something.”

“Can’t, we ran out a week ago.”

“Of what?”

“Everything.”

“Then where did you get that burrito yesterday-” Shawn looked down at the crack in the cushions beneath him a moment and then looked back at him expectantly. Gus seemed on the verge of vomiting. “That’s it! We are going out.” He pulled his friend up to his feet by his wrist.

“But I don’t want to- Thanks, buddy! I was really hungry y’know and Snickers bars are the perfect thing to…” His whining was replaced by distracted rambling while he uncovered the chocolate treat. Totally unaware of the fact that he was being pulled outside and lead into the Blueberry.

000

“It’s organic.”

“It’s $15!”

“We are getting it or no birthday cake Oreos.” Gus held the organic head of lettuce and pack of cookies in either hand. The two friends stared each other down like two stubborn toddlers fighting over a doll until finally Shawn gave in.

“Fine, but you are the one eating it. I refuse to touch your organ salad.”

“_ Organic _, not organ. Will you stop it!” He smacked at the brunette who now had two large cabbages held to his chest to imitate breasts and kept bumping Gus with them. Once the cabbages were safely back with the rest, Gus and Shawn stood mere inches from one another as they argued in loud, quick and indecipherable whispers between them. A few minutes passed and they broke apart.

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

They loaded the last of the agreed upon list into the cart and shuffled in silence to an open cash register line. Shawn had been loading the items onto the conveyor belt when he noticed the snack bar. He perked up slightly. ‘That’s exactly what Gus needs to get out of his funk.’

“How about me and you go get some coffee? My treat.” He gave his friend a wide grin, proud of his own thoughtfulness and improvisational skills. Gus shot a wary one back as he slid his card through the scanner.

<Beep.> “Thank you, sir. Have a nice day!” The older man smiled as his shaking hands passed along the receipt, his ill-placed toupee tipping slightly.

“You too. Come on, Shawn.” 

“Is that a yes?” He asked hopeful.

“Of course. Who’d pass up free coffee? We aren’t going to get it here though. I can’t even call that stuff coffee if I tried.” Gus’ face twisted in repulsion at the memory.

“If we are going somewhere else then you’d better pick it up a little. You’re slower than Lassiter walking through Rifle Con!”

“Shut up, Shawn.” He smiled.

With a little help on either end, the two managed to escape the grocery store parking lot and pull into the coffee shop’s within a few minutes.

“Coffee Bucks… That sounds like a really lame knock off of-”

“The coffee’s better here.”

“Fair enough.”

The two walked inside and placed their orders. It felt strange to order, sit down and wait for the drinks to come to them rather than wait along with all the other caffeine-addicts itching for their next hit at the counter. He had to give it to Gus, this place was nice. They sat in a solid wood table near one of the wide shaded windows and bidded their time.

“$15 dollar organ lettuce and $12 drinks… Let’s just hope this case pays well because that old account o’ mine isn’t going to hold on much longer.” He placed the two last raw sugar packets on his makeshift house of cards. It was magnificen-

“Here are your drinks, sirs. Be careful, that ones ho- I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to- I didn’t see it-!” Gus snickered as his friend’s masterpiece crumpled into a pile of brown packets after the barista’s elbow accidentally tore through its center.

“HA HA H-ey! My tower!” His own sugar-packet tower collapsed as well when Shawn threw a spoon at it.

“..Um… Here’s your drinks.” The flustered barista placed each drink before their rightful owners, tucked the few stray strands of hair back into place their usual place, and left them with a red-faced nod.

“Thank you~.” Gus said in the most charismatic voice he could manage. Shawn’s eyes lingered on the shrinking form of the barista before grinning at his friend.

“You should ask her out, she’s totally into you.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at his exasperated friend.

“_ He _ is a guy, Shawn.” 

“But the hair-”

“Guys have long hair too- And before you ask, yes, in a bun as well.” He explained, “Not to mention his name tag said Julian.”

“Julian’s not the worst name and he’s not a smoker like Ted…” He reasoned.

“He’s a GUY!” His voice grew a bit more louder in frustration.

“I don’t judge!” He raised his arms up in surrender before muttering under his breath, “Defensive much? This is more serious than I thought. Tch.”

“Shawn!”

“No judgement!” He flung up his hands once more before fixing his own hair. “_Anyways_... about the case. I talked to Woody and-”

“When did you get the chance to do that? We’ve been out all day.” Gus’ frustration began to wane a little.

“I called when you were taking 7 hours ordering your drink.” He continued on before Gus got the chance to interject. “He told me he found our buddy Moore to be positive for poisoning by that Twilight chick or something.” 

Gus’ face lit up with a mix of excitement and shock as he realized what he was trying to say. He glanced about the cafe nervously and leaned forward. “Belladonna? Like the stuff Giulia Tofana used?!”

“The Lion King Musical chick? I didn’t know she killed people. I always-”

“Giulia not Julia. She invented a poison in the 16 hundreds for women in bad relationships to kill their husbands with. They made a movie after her that Rachael-.. That she showed me…” The rep seemed to deflate at the mention of her name. Shawn placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry man, don’t worry we will find you someone even better.” He consoled him. “On a side note, why does that sound so familiar? The belladonna stuff?”

“It’s also called nightshade.”

“Y’mean the stuff they use in basically _ every _poorly written murder mystery and romantic horror novella you and all women going through menopause read?”

“Says the man who listened to Internity three times.”

“That’s not-. It’s a-. Fine. Whatever. Even though Internity is _ completely _ different here in reality, you can believe what you want.” He huffed and took another large mouthful of whipped cream from the dwindling mountain balancing precariously atop his hot chocolate. “We should ask Lassie if he’s finished making a list of suspects. Our killer will probably be a woman he knew before he-... What’s this?” A new cup of hot chocolate in a o-go cup was now sitting alongside the older mug of the same drink.

The barista was back, redder than before. “It’s from the woman over there.” An attractive woman about ten years his senior smiled at him flirtatiously and adjusted her blouse a little lower on her chest. Shawn had to fight the urge to break out in awkward and uncomfortable laughter as he gave her a thankful nod and wink. The older woman ate it up and he turned back to his companion. 

“Thank you, Jul’.” With one last furtive glance at Gus, the man scurried off. “I’m telling you, man-...!”

Gus just shook his head at him tiredly. “We should probably get back to the office soon, I have my rounds in an hour.”

“Fiiiine! Avoid fate! Just let me finish this real fast.” He chugged the beverage as fast as he could, making himself choke twice before slamming the ceramic mug on the table in triumph.

“Don’t forget your other drink.” Gus reminded him as they gathered their things. 

If it weren’t for his half-joking obsession with hooking him and the barista up, Gus may have considered telling Shawn there was whipped cream smeared along the left side of his face and sideburn. But he had. So Guster enjoyed every second of the drive back to the office and even offered to drive him to his date with Juliet guilt-free.


End file.
